My story is not one of those cookie cutter type stories wrapped up in a pretty bow. It’s been forged on a path of tears, pain, wrong choices and at times, less than desirable outcomes.
Most days, I am messy, anxious and emotional.
God took hold of my heart at a young age. I knew I loved Him, even if our relationship didn’t always make sense to me. We’ve had quite the journey together, one full of me telling Him what the plan should be and how I could just fix everything all on my own, and Him gently and quietly continuing to pursue me.
As I hit my teens and even into most of my 20’s, I never had a deep and authentic relationship with God. Some trauma from college and poor decisions left me feeling empty. I was met with judgement (especially from myself) and never quite felt like I belonged. I’d go to church and I could say all the right things with a smile on my face, but inside I was crying out. God was this figurehead that I loved and believed in, but I had Him up on the shelf. He was to be used in certain social circles or as the break-in- case-of-emergency type of backup plan. My hurts left me feeling like I was never worthy of anything deeper. I never felt like I deserved His love, so I ran from it.
But like my favorite parable of the Lost Sheep, the Lord left the 99 to rescue me. He wrapped me tightly in His arms and calmed my hurting heart. I rest in the knowledge that I am loved beyond measure, that I am worthy to die for, because He says that I am.
In addition being grateful for God’s unending grace, to know me is to know that I am deeply obsessed with good coffee, true crime podcasts, museums, dinner dates with my friends, lazy Saturday mornings with my son and any Bruce Willis movie. In the world, I go by a few titles; I’m a mama, a daughter, sister, girlfriend, friend and a meeting planner. But above all, my favorite title is "redeemed."
By no means do I have it all figured out, but I am running after the Lord with all my heart. I want to spend my days being authentic, loving on people right where they are, encouraging and building a community and breaking down the "perfection" barriers.